“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
– ELIZABETH GILBERT
This one quote from the book Eat, Pray and Love changed everything in a split second. That very instant I had an epiphany!
For almost half a year after my separation, I played victim-victim game in my head. I wasn’t ready to let go of the feeling that something bad has happened to me. Although I have moved on now but when I read the quote again (I have read this book a lot many times before though) at that particular moment, I realised I resent my past life. I blamed everyone for what I had to go through; I even blamed myself for being so naïve and blindfolded; how could I not anticipate the fall?
I felt guilty to not have done something extra to save that relationship. I always found myself wondering what more could have I done to not let us go distant from each other. I used to talk alone with myself (I still do at times); heart in conversation with my brain to understand the situation then, where did I go wrong? What did I do? How could one go distant with someone whom you promised to spend your entire life with and not have a conversation with at all?
For many months I sat in silence with these unanswered questions bothering me.
I was stuck in a tornado of emotions of resentment, guilt, worry, sadness, blame, fear and anger.
I was a mess.
I’d be a fool to say that moving on is easy. It isn’t. However, this needed to stop right away. I was unnecessarily torturing myself and this infuriated me to the core. What am I doing? Don’t I love myself?
When I decided to show a stop sign to ‘resentment’ in my brain, the ‘happy’ emotion was standing there right behind waiting to showcase its magic. And I had to put these thoughts into words right then.
Resentment corrodes you.
Forgiveness soothes you.
Hate eats you.
But love will heal you.
Find peace within yourself
Make the world inside of you a better place to live!!
I would love to hear your stories. Please share your thoughts and feelings in the comment section below.
Thank you very much for your presence here 🙂
A lot more thoughts and words are on their way and you shall read them soon.