When I wrote making new connections are part of the healing process in my earlier post, I forgot to mention that it’s also a part of the learning process. The unbreakable promise which I made four months ago to my inner self, I am breaking it now with an expression of true emotions with this article.
I tried rebuilding my trust in people whatsoever the reasons or howsoever the situation maybe but to my disappointment, it was broken yet again and this time the new aspect was that it happened in such a short span (four months only).
I had major trust issues (though now increased to an unimaginable extent) after the unfathomable heart-breaking events in my life nearly 2 years ago yet I was ready to take that leap of faith in people. I was prepared to open my heart although just a little bit but I was ready. I wanted to start breaking those gigantic walls of mistrust layer by layer which I built around my heart.
In these four months, I acquainted with many new people (not gender-specific), coming from various cultural backgrounds with their own set of problems and battle stories (metaphorically and not literal battle stories). Quite often I compared their story to mine and thought that they are fortunate to have not witnessed what I did (I sincerely pray that no one should ever go through what I have gone through).
But can I be completely honest with you??
It’s very easy to look over the picket white fence and think that the grass is greener on the other side. The Grass will be greener where you water it with a full-fledged heart full of efforts. All of us are extremely quick in assuming things and make an opinion of others. I was also at the receiving end of this mentality off lately or should I say always have been.
I tried talking to them with a clean slate and an open mind but to my respite, I was proven wrong yet again. I was called names (profanity-full), they thought of me as a liar, ruthless, conniving and a rude person who didn’t care about what they felt or respect their feelings. I sometimes wonder that in no one’s conscious mind ever crossed a thought that if I’m blunt, then there has to be a specific reason behind it. I am not a liar but at times I try to reveal less of private information as I feel it is not the right time or the right person to start yapping about my life’s details.
I heartily dislike when people interfere in my private life and eagerly question my choices or even try to change how I typically spend my daily hours. There is always a line of moral decency that shouldn’t be crossed. If one doesn’t understand that then the least they could try to do is carefully observe my patterns; observe how I typically react when around people. I understand what topics in other’s life could be off-limits.
Earlier when people judged me opposite to what I am as a person, I used to run away from the situation as far as I could and not confront them. This habit of blindfolding myself could be possible because I witnessed these sort of scenarios around me quite a lot in my childhood so I inherited it (not a good thing to inherit, though).
A few of them out of the lot somehow thought that I have given a chance to take advantage of me in every possible way. Shockingly, I was told that being a divorced woman defines my character. I was flabbergasted, started breathing like how a fierce dragon typically does before breathing fire to ruin a city and wanted to rip that person’s heart in pieces. I was very angry but then I calmed myself.
In these last few months, I genuinely tried to confront every situation and tried to solve the problem at once but to my respite, I was left standing all alone in the street. So,
Two valuable lessons learnt:
1)Confront your battles.
Don’t try to run away from the deck of cards life has given you to deal with because whether you like it or not, there is nothing you could do except putting efforts.
2)Some situations are beyond our control.
Don’t blame yourself repeatedly for situations to not go your way rather your maximum participation when you are in the moment is the thing that matters the most.
It took a lot of mental peace and calming sessions to conclude that I am not ready to willingly let my guards down yet. I am carefully locking my heartfelt emotions forever in respect of feeling liked or loved by new connections in my life now or in the future. Also, instantly throwing the key deep inside the ocean (this world) full of apparent disinterest and deceit to not find ever again.
I would love to hear your stories. Please share your thoughts and feelings in the comment section below.
Thank you so much for your presence here 🙂
A lot more thoughts and words are on their way and you shall read them soon.